Dear Captain Shady, I mean, Red Beard,
If you had to decide between beer and weed, which would you choose?

Sincerely,
Wasted in NJ

Dear Wasted,
Hmmm... well I'd have to go with my conCOCKtion called beer and weed y'all. you know beer with weed in it...

-the Captain

Dear Captain Redbeard,
Should I park near Keith?

-Wondering while I drive

Dear Wondering,
DEFINITELY DO NOT PARK NEAR KEITH, Next to the beer store will be fine.

-the Captain

Dear captain awesome,
you're fucking cool. do you accept sexual favors from young, supple asian girls in pigtails, or just mass quantities of high quality narcotics?

*the milk on your crunchberries

Dear Crunchberries,
AMY: Kev, did you steal my purse?
What? OK. where were we..oh yeah well again, white panty girls are fucking goofs. But high quality narcotics are for yuppies, so ill just...

-the Captain

Dear Captain Redbeard,
Arrgh, Captin I just can't seem to stop shoving snowcones up me arse. What is a boy to do?

Muddy Slush

Dear Muddy Slush,
Hmmm...thats something I've never tried. you could try slowly easing off of the addICKtion by only putting ten or eleven snowcones in you arse a day,if that doesn't work you could try only putting half a snowcone up there each time you do it...or you could just do what real men do....fisting.

-the Captain

Hey Captain Redbeard,
Why is my back is so hairy?

Bear Rug

Dear Bear Rug,
Dont fuckin ask me, thats something I think about myself...