404 - File Not Found. 101 Things Wrong with Me 1. The time I passed out drunk at Peter and Constanza's wedding 2. The time I thought it was a good idea to walk home on the highway 3. I'm completely unable to pronounce any non-english words 4. I smell like a hoagie 5. I have the uncontrollable urge to make bad jokes 6. I blackout when I drink too much 7. I ruin deodorant 8. I'll sometimes accept unnecessary plastic bags from stores 9. I've never seen "16 Candles" 10. I can't roller skate 11. I frequently steal your last sip of booze 12. I once owned a pair of pleated pants 13. For all my high-tech-ness, I couldn't save the files from your dying laptop 14. I used the words "wuv" and "ruv" 15. The only foreign place I've ever traveled is Canada 16. I like American Apparel ads 17. I smoke weed CONSTANTLY 18. I pick my nose 19. I make you tired 20. I've had scabies 21. My house smells like cat pee 22. Whisky and I don't play well together 23. I don't use a seperate shampoo and conditioner 24. I don't go to the dentist as often as I should 25. I sweat a lot 26. I have a reader's vocabulary 27. I've made out with 17-year-olds when I was old enough to probably know better 28. I don't scrub my bathtub as often as I should 29. I support cruelty to animals by doing work for the National Dairy Council and creating online dairy propaganda 30. I don't call my mother as often as she'd like 31. I like to jump on discarded furniture left on the street 32. I bled on your fancy silk dress 33. I pass out early at your parties 34. I've got a hairy chest 35. I graduated from an "art" college 36. I'm prone to physical injury 37. I'm Catholic 38. I snore 39. I blew my nose in a cloth napkin at a restaurant once 40. I have gross feet 41. It took me a year to start reading your Aristotle paper 42. Sometimes I leave the seat up 43. I don't wear a helmet when I ride my bike 44. I'm a punk 45. I own several pairs of "Manties" 46. I don't always say "excuse me" after burping 47. I put off going to the doctor until the last possible minute 48. My shady viking tattoo could lead people to believe I'm white power 49. I always forget to pack my toothbrush when traveling 50. My socks don't always match 51. I don't practice my accordion enough 52. My eyebrows kind of meet in the middle 53. I still get pimples 54. I masturbate daily 55. My Fen Shui is off 56. I don't donate to charities 57. I own tight white pants 58. I use dental floss for sewing instead of flossing 59. I'm a boy 60. I'm fat 61. I'm too wild and crazy for my own good 62. I objectify women 63. I'm a feminist 64. I'm not as well read as I could be 65. Most of my clothes are black 66. There are bugs in my house 67. I once puked on my own dick 68. I bite my nails 69. I'm an orgasm addict 70. My collarbone is broken 71. I have a cigarette burn on my hand despite never smoking in my life 72. I've driven drunk 73. I made you hold me up on the subway on your birthday 74. I keep eating after I'm full 75. I've never been to Disneyworld 76. I was born in Connecticut 77. I bent a pipe with my balls by falling off a roof 78. I support consumerism 79. I broke one of your wine glasses on our first date 80. I wear girls jeans cutoffs 81. I've had 2 cavities 82. I don't have a savings account 83. I don't make full stops at stop signs 84. I'm vain 85. I'm an optimist 86. I'm sappy, corny and cheesy 87. I wear skirts to bed 88. I've already made out with or blown half the guys at a party 89. I send you cheesy Internet metaphors like this 90. I stubbornly demand a reason to know why you broke up with me 91. I'm oversensitive 92. I fall for the wrong girl 93. I'm addicted to breathmints 94. I want the impossible 95. I imagine you as something you're not 96. I try to find hope where there isn't any 97. I don't have any secrets 98. I made you cry 99. I'm not Iggy Pop 100. I'm not who you want 101. I can't quit you. 101 Things Incompatible About Us 1. Spicy Food 2. Seafood 3. Severe body temperature differences 4. Horror movies 5. You don't know anything about metal 6. I don't know anything about ska 7. The appropriate amount of garlic for a dish 8. Pain 9. What time we wake up in the morning 10. Wake up music 11. Wake up sex 12. It's not ethical for us to consume the amount of oil that maintaining our long distance relationship requires 13. Your fascination with John Hughes 14. My facination with dissected bodies 15. Neither of us are rich, preventing us from casting off work in exchange for a carefree lifestyle of travel and adventure 16. I've grown my hair longer than yours 17. The order in which we rank hard liquors 18. I'm not a professional masseuse 19. Hairpulling 20. Ghost hunting 21. Public Displays of Affection 22. Of Montreal appreciation 23. Sleeping attire 24. Lemon in iced tea 25. You don't have my phone number memorized 26. Your commitment to recycling is greater than mine 27. Neither of us are very good at rolling joints 28. I only own one Dinosaur Jr. album and only two by Sonic Youth 29. We're both absent-minded and forgetful, which will inevitably lead to disaster 30. Biting 31. The number of blankets required for sleeping 32. "The Catcher In the Rye" isn't my favorite book 33. The age-old rivalry between New England and the Midwest 34. I didn't get the 10 page letter you sent from Maine 35. Playing Scrabble 36. Exploring dark, scary places 37. We're both already married 38. I used all your expensive soap when you left it at my house 39. Writing me emails got boring after the first few months 40. I always try to have sex with you at our parents' houses despite how uncomfortable it makes you 41. Budweiser isn't my favorite cheap beer 42. I never went to a baseball game with you 43. Our constant inside jokes and obscure references were just too funny 44. The stars were not aligned for us 45. I enjoy Tom Robbins more than you 46. We drink too much to actually enjoy each other 47. I know the words you hate the sound of and could say them at any time 48. My demand that we talk on the phone at least once a week was too much 49. My room is too dark 50. I didn't help you move 51. I stared at you too much 52. I sent you a postcard with "tits" on it 53. I was too nice 54. I embarrass you 55. I'm too young for you 56. Our friends like each other too much 57. All your friends secretly couldn't stand me and are overjoyed that they never have to see me again 58. You're pee-shy and I'm not 59. I've never been arrested (girls like dangerous guys) 60. I'm bad at math so I can't help you cheat on your Econometrics 61. I can't always be there for you since we only get to hang out on weekends 62. I try to buy your love with a constant barrage of gifts 63. You're an existentialist 64. I harass you for wearing makeup 65. Our record collections could never fit in the same living space 66. I'm bad luck for your roller derby team and you've lost every bout I've come to 67. We have different views on the necessity of police 68. I take up your cat's spot in your bed 69. I didn't capitalize on your willingness for anal sex 70. I really just wrote that 71. I kinda sick you out 72. I distract you from your schoolwork and job search 73. I'm a jerk 74. You want to become an abstinent nun 75. High heels 76. I didn't comment on your MySpace page enough 77. I share every excruciating detail of myself while you keep certain parts of yourself private and guarded 78. My family likes you 79. I gave you too much affection 80. Fiona Apple 81. I don't have a cell phone 82. Scratching 83. My distrust of the Beck's new material 84. Both our names start with 'S' 85. Wrestling 86. I don't fill you with passion 87. Neither of us were going to meet our tears quota for the year 88. We're getting older 89. My sperm is potent (despite my best efforts) and that's scary 90. You prefer coming home alone after a night of partying instead of with me 91. You don't have a beard 92. Terrorists hate our relationship 93. I'm left-handed, you're a righty 94. Being sad and alone is more fun 95. I use the "L" word too much 96. We're rarely in the same mood at the same time 97. Reasons only Sarah knows 98. Pluto is no longer a planet 99. Your objection to being "with" somebody for any long period of time 100. We never fought 101. "We're going in opposite directions." 101 Things That Won't Be the Same Without You 1. Life, in general 2. Roller Derby 3. Bloody Marys 4. Rock'n'Roll 5. David Cross 6. The Cardinals (who were my favorite baseball team when I was 9) 7. Crap Poetry 8. NYC 9. STL 10. Eye rolling 11. Wine 12. Skull tattoos 13. Record players 14. Watching movies 15. Trader Joes 16. Matza Ball Soup 17. Ah Ha - Take on me 18. 80s music in general 19. The Stooges 20. Marxism 21. Vice magazine 22. Margaritas 23. Chocolate chip cookies 24. Dead babies 25. The 50 Foot Woman 26. Farrah Fawcett's hair 27. Olives 28. Pumpkin Picking 29. Punkin beer 30. My New Fighting Technique is Unstoppable 31. Pierogies 32. Jonathan Safran Foyer 33. Black metal 34. The NYC Metro 35. Foot rubs 36. Sailor girls 37. Whole Foods 38. Belgian beer 39. Bad Folk 40. Looking at photos of you now causes me an intense stabbing pain in my stomach as opposed to the pleasant butterfly feeling I used to get 41. Dreaming 42. Arches 43. Mermaids 44. Beer drinking hats 45. Beer-garitas 46. Polish punk 47. My appetite 48. Christopher Guest 49. Brunch 50. Zines 51. Solipsism 52. Unsweetened iced tea 53. Hot tubs 54. Aristotle 55. ABC No Rio 56. Tofu 57. Mojitos 58. The State 59. National Geographic 60. Pirates 61. Mimosas 62. Wes Anderson 63. Williamsburg 64. Brooklyn 65. Converse 66. Calendars 67. Umbrellas 68. Fishnets 69. Oral sex 70. Spotting Do's and Dont's on the street 71. Guaco loco 72. Squirrels 73. Giant pictures of food 74. Checking my email 75. Martha Stewart 76. Rosemary 77. Coney Island 78. Animatronic Indians 79. Jeeps 80. The Internet 81. Trivial Pursuit 82. Painting my toenails 83. The Arcade Fire 84. Apple computers 85. Apple sauce 86. Mole sauce 87. Tammy Faye 88. National Bohemian 89. Your friends 90. Chinatown buses 91. Chop sticks 92. Ferris Bueller 93. All the extra money I'll have from not seeing you every weekend 94. Tinnitus 95. Charles Bukowski 96. Joy 97. Sadness 98. June 17th 99. December 20th 100. "Life is Shit, the World is Shit" 101. Paradise. 101 Things I Wish We Could Have Done (or could do again) 1. Have a sham wedding and honeymoon in the Napa valley 2. Go to Black River Lodge 3. Record a Hedons album 4. Visit Austin 5. Travel Overseas 6. Ride bikes everywhere together 7. Swim 8. Make more ghetto versions of drinks 9. Finish your rubber band ball 10. Slow dance 11. Circle pit 12. Go on more picnics 13. Go canoeing again 14. Plant a garden 15. Be at your Graduation 16. Buy you a vibrator 17. Live in the same city 18. Give you a diamond necklace dipped in chocolate 19. Make each other more mixtapes 20. Keep each other warm this winter 21. Shower together again 22. Carve pumpkins 23. LSD 24. Go hiking 25. Swim in a waterfall 26. Have sex under a waterfall 27. Visit Argentina 28. Make a sand castle 29. Climb a tree 30. Go on a double date 31. Use the rest of that bottle of Hugo Boss 32. Use the rest of that bottle of KY Massage Oil 33. Stay up until sunrise together 34. Cloudwatching 35. Fly somewhere together 36. Build a fort 37. Visit more museums 38. Take explicit pictures of each other 39. Drink Absinthe 40. Go sledding 41. Explore the rest of Fairmount Park 42. Go camping 43. Spend a whole day in bed together 44. Fart in front of eachother 45. Contribute to each other's zines 46. Hang out with your parents again 47. Take mushrooms in a forest 48. Sleep together for more than a couple nights in a row 49. Make a podcast 50. Play MadLibs 51. Dress up for Halloween together 52. Smash a TV set 53. Start a fire 54. Finishing watching Wonderfalls (one more episode, damn!) 55. Talk, or not talk, for hours 56. Take a vacation together 57. Watch fireworks 58. Go to a monster truck rally 59. Write a book 60. Coordinate our outfits 61. Visit more breweries 62. Slip'n'slide race 63. Cover ourselves in fake blood 64. Go jogging 65. Fire a gun (I haven't, you have) 66. Jump on a trampoline 67. Stargaze 68. Do a hip-hop video for MC Manhole where you're one of the booty-licious dancers in the background 69. Share a passionate fuck in a public place 70. Screw in a car 71. Go bowling 72. Write a play for you 73. Stay at a Bed and Breakfast 74. Do yoga 75. Fuck like it was the first time again 76. Ride a rollercoster 77. See the Brooklyn Bombshells win a game 78. Play cards 79. Play "beer dice" 80. Strip for each other 81. Climb the Statue of Liberty 82. Proofread your work 83. Prance through a grassy meadow 84. Catch fireflies 85. Write a song for you 86. Change the world 87. Banish each other's sadness to the land of wind and ghosts 88. Kiss underwater 89. Make our own clothes 90. Start our own country 91. Hold each other close and cry until our eyes are dry 92. Save the whales 93. Say whatever we feel 94. Do something 95. Escape 96. Teach you something 97. Learn something from you 98. Make each other unconditionally happy 99. Be in love 100. Worship Satan 101. Reunite.